Lauren. 23. On the fence about just about everything.
Everyone who terrifies you is sixty-five percent water.
And everyone you love is made of stardust, and I know sometimes
you cannot even breathe deeply, and
the night sky is no home, and
you have cried yourself to sleep enough times
that you are down to your last two percent, but
nothing is infinite,
not even loss.
You are made of the sea and the stars, and one day
you are going to find yourself again.
The first time I say I love you, your face
crumbles. You look at me
the way man stares in terror
at the stars and the sea.
You grasp your head, fist
your hair, hiss, whisper why me
why me I am weak I am
dirt I am dust I am
Why you? Because
the earth is made of dust
and dirt and you are as
essential to me as earth
is to sky; you give me something
to set my sun against.
The dirt and the dust are not
weak. I could build a house
out of you; you are the roof
when I rain.
futile devices by sufjan stevens [lyrics]
and when you play guitar, i listen to the strings buzz
the metal vibrates underneath your fingers
and when you crochet, i feel mesmerised and proud
and i would say i love you, but saying it out loud is hard
so i won’t say it at all
and i won’t stay very long
but you are the life i needed all along
i think of you as my brother, although that sounds dumb
and words are futile devices